Is this reality?

11/29/19 1731

Hanging out with my husband, trying to type while only slightly drunk. Having a really hard time with that, to be sure. Playing Portal 2 and thinking subconsciously about what I want to do with my life. No big deal. Anyway, Portal 2 awaits.

11/29/19 1006

I've always been really hesitant to do things like write blogs consistently or keep journals. I guess I'm afraid that if I write down my thoughts and feelings they will somehow solidify and become permanent. A permanent record of who I was at that moment, whether I wanted to be that person or not. If I refuse to write, refuse to record, that person never existed in any tangible way. I can ignore those thoughts and feelings, pretend I never had them, pretend that they have never been mine. I was never so pathetic and hopeful and sad. I can always pretend to be the person I think I should be at any given moment without any echoes or reflections of the person that I actually am. I'm not sure that this is a particularly healthy way to live, so I'm going to try to stay consistent with this practice. Maybe I'll be able to face myself, in all my irrational glory.

11/28/19 1814

Well, since I highly doubt anyone will ever read this in a million years I guess its safe to confess all of the shit that has been on my mind lately. I think I'm going to get fired from my current job and I'm actively trying to figure out what career might suit me best. I've always been interested in computers and I secretly harbor the dream that I'll become an elite hacker. Am I influenced by movies and tv shows? Absofuckinglutely. But hey, dreams are the stuff dreams are made of right? So far I've enjoyed putting together my little website (its been a long time since I looked at HTML though, how fucking time consuming this is!) and while I know that an associates in web development isnt necessarily glamorous, its at least a start. And there is $CASH$MONEY$ in it, more than what I make now for sure. Its a technical field, and while my advisor thinks that web dev and programming have nothing to do with each other, I'd have to disagree. Being literate in all aspects of computers and their functioning is what makes a full-stack developer right? I love computers, I love the internet, and I love the idea of working in computers in general. Even web development.

11/28/19 1756

Well, lets see if this link works shall we? Trying a little web development before I decide whether its something I might actually do.


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